Six Years

Retro Hottmud
07/19/06 07:17 pm

Maybe we’re the lucky ones
‘Cause we can choose to turn it off
Maybe we’re the lonely ones
‘Cause we decide to shield what’s soft

I’m sure you’ll learn to dance and drink and dream
but you might still feel lost

And I see myself in you my friend
but I would break where you would bend
I’m calling on what you defend and tonight I won’t hold back

The Loved Ones

Yes folks, it’s the “anniversary post”. So six years ago there was a little thing on the nets that called itself E/N. Ostensibly that stood for “Everything and Nothing” but it was more like “Entertainment and News”. I’d link to a history of E/N but they all seem to have gone the way of the internet dinosaurs. Lets just say that this was long before Blogger or Livejournal or god help us Myspace and Friendster. Many of the “free” webhosts of the day allowed the use of “backend ” CGI programs and some of the geekier netziens saw this as an opportunity for what I like to think of as nano scale self publishing. They posted things they were interested in or they posted angsty social commentary or quite often some good ‘ol pornography. There were intersite rivalrries and lots of virtual back patting too. Some people got way too big and nearly all have faded away. I’ll admit the heydey of this site was 2001-2003 when we had a crew of six voices all adding to the mix. A concurrent phenomenon known as weblogging eventually pushed the snotty nosed step sibling E/N into the dustbin of the internet. (Alright not quite all of them but I’m trying to be poetic and serious here, indulge me mmkay?)

In the summer of 2000 I was at a point in my life where I was ending old things and starting new ones. Six years later and six blocks north I sit here once again typing words into a box on a screen trying to make some sense of the world. Once again, I’m ending old thngs and starting fresh. Six years, that’s the cycle. I can see it clearly from a forty four year perspective. Two months in, and I’ve got nothing but time.

Exes and Ohs

Retro Hotmud
07/11/06 10:00 am

Is it safe to come out? Hey where’d the bed go?

Oh yeah, I was having some renovations done at palatial Casa Hotmud. Things seem …smaller though, and all my furniture is gone.

Damn this place is really empty. Oh okay there’s a slip of paper over there in the corner. Whaddaya know it’s Victoria’s Secret receipt. There’s something scrawled on the back in black finepoint marker.

Heh. It says:

This little mental image is causing scar tissue to
form at an unbelievable rate as my brain tries to
burn its image from my long term memory banks.

“…of course for the links I’ll probably substitute pictures of a Ron
Jeremy/Nell Carter/Gary Coleman bi-love threesome. “

In my handwriting it then says:

“Eeek, I kinda forgot about that one.

Um, sorry?

Did that sound insincere?

Eh, some days you just feel like Hannibal Lecter at a
Chilean plane crash and everything seems right in the

“If you were always happy you wouldn’t be a human
being, you’d be a game show host.”

Wow that is just way too weird. Oh yeah, I’m back I guess.

Got mucho to jabber on about, unfortunately most of you will never pass the stringent vetting process. Get over it babycakes.

Oh snap! Sprinextel gives an early xmas present to all those professional stalkers out there. Then they promptly fix this rather glaring blunder before things get too hairy.

Hello right hand? Yeah, this is left hand, what’cha doing?

Keep that dial tuned, I’ve got some retro hotmud for ya and an assload of links backing up my browser. Soonish.

Out of the Cellar

Skippy The Twin
05/29/06 04:21 pm

Holy crap what kinda hellhole is this place? I was just over at the local Hooters, drinkin a frosty one and getting my grope on, if you know what I mean (wink). Would you believe there’s a daycare center right next door to the Hooters? I’m not kidding. Real classy suburbia yah got here bro. Oh yeah, H is off in the corner crying. I am Skippy’s complete lack of surprise. Something about a small tornado. 0h will ya shut up already! Next thing ya know he’ll be putting on, ho no you don’t, not Dashbored Confessional!!!!! Fucking EMO.

Where’d that cool chick go? She at least had some metal I could listen to and not some stupid fucking EMO whining. Hey I kinda dug her man, she was kinky. What the fuck did you do? Oh there he goes into the bedroom and he’s hiding under the bed. Good, now I can change the music. Hmmm I got some Lightning Bolt (Lightning Bolt are the proof of the existence of God) or maybe some Melvins. Oh wait there’s some Big Black mp3s sitting on H’s harddrive. Now that’s some Old School shit. I wish he had some Iron Maiden or Slaughter but he’s too erudite for that I guess.

Oh hold up kids, he’s now shrieking about something from under the bed. H shrieking in the bedroom is not something unusual, he might be super lame but one thing I gotsta give props to muh boy H, he’s a stud in the sack. It’s all about giving pleasure baby.

Okay I’ll bite, lemme go see what the fuck is going on. Hold on to your nads (if ya got em) for a sec……

Look at some pr0n while I’m away.

Bwahahahahaha! That’s fucking hilarious though H doesn’t think so. Somebody left a wee little present under the bed.

Just lookie. lookie.

Oh my sweet mother of all that is smelly and disgusting, yes I think thats a moldy and dessicated dog poopie!!!!!! Though it could be vomit too, it’s hard to tell.

Well, I’ve downloaded all of H’s passwords onto my USB thumb drive. I’m gonna head out for a bit of wardriving with my uber laptop, use someone elses network to loot Hotmud’s bank accounts again, and then it’s off to Atlantic City for some Texas Hold Em and some hookers. This place is fucking depressing man, get yourself some better digs and I might not fuck you over the next time I show my mug.

For some strange reason I feel like saying that “it’s only after we’ve lost everything that we are free to do anything”. Hey, that’s pretty fucking ironic.

(From under the bed)”No it’s not. It’s smug self awareness.”

Hey, who asked you Mr. Smarty Pants!

Okies kids, smoke a bowl or three for me, I feel like destroying something beautiful. I’m sooooo outta here.

A little less Sixteen Candles, a little more what the f%#$@!

“One whose hand, like the base Indian, threw a pearl away. richer than all his Tribe. I have lost my pearl, my pearl beyond price.”

“If you are so careless with your posessions, you should expect them to be taken from you.

-Angela Carter, “The Tiger’s Bride“, from The Bloody Chamber, Penguin Books, 1979

My Evil Twin has a Posse

Retro Hotmud
05/08/06 07:13 pm

Any of the old shoolers around here will remember my rogue personality shard “Skippy the Evil Twin”. He makes his appearance every so often and he generally flings his poo around like an orangutan with ADD, stinks up the place for a bit, and then disappears for months at a time. I’m pretty sure that some of his away time has been in prison. Bad home made tattoos and a funny hitch in the way he walks. Anyway so my buds at work have a little group going over at Rupert Murdoch’s little slice of indie street cred so I thought that maybe I’d join the fray but as I sat down to make an account Skippy snuck up behind me and hit me in the back of the head with a thirty pound sturgeon. Thank goodnes it wasn’t frozen. While I was out cold Skippy decided that it would be “funny” to try and make the ugliest Myspace page ever.

I think he has a shot, this makes my eyes want to kill kittens and puppies.

Fix or Repair Daily

Retro Hotmud
04/26/06 09:39 am

Or I guess this might be more appropriately titled “Too Much(Jim Steinman is never ever enough)”

I know this is from October/November of last year but I of course missed it because I suck.

Yes, it’s a Norwegian Lo-fi industrial pop band called Hurra Torpedo with an inspired performance of Bonnie Tyler’s smash hit “Total Eclipse of the Heart”.

Their first US tour was documented in the indie film “The Crushing Blow” which can be seen for all I can tell in it’s entirety at that link because it’s all a fake. It’s pretty damn funny but in the end it’s only viral marketing for FORD, well at least according to the wiki, but from the looks of their homepage and their Myspace they are very much for real and touring America again this summer.

Who to believe? Or does it really matter.

On an unrrelated note the INCOMPARABLE Ze Frank has started a little news commentary video blog called Ze Frank: The Show that is totally hilarious. Go watch. Now. Really, do as you’re told ‘fore I whup yo punk ass.

Everything louder than everything else

Retro Hotmud
04/24/06 11:50 am

I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday.
I was barely 17 and I once killed a boy with a fender guitar.
I don’t remember if it was a Telecaster or a Stratocaster,but i do remember
that it had a heart of chrome and a voice like a horny angel.
I don’t remember if it was a Telecaster or a Stratocaster, but I do remember
that it wasn’t at all easy.
It required the perfect combination of the right powerchords and the precise angle
from which to strike.

“Love and death and an American guitar”, Jim Steinman

So I was browsing my favorite BitTorrent site yesterday and instead of looking for movies or games I decided to check the music section. As I’m noticing that there are at least ten torrents for Tool’s new album “10,000 Days” which doesn’t come out officially for another week (May 2) is see a link for “Meatloaf: Live at The Bottom Line 1977“.

Ho-lee-shit, 1977! I was a sophmore in high school. I have a very distinct memory associated with BOOH. It involves a very very long van ride that summer from Ontario back to the Poconos after a 10 day canoe trip. “Two out of Three Ain’t Bad” was probably the theme song for that trip as we heard it about twice an hour on the radio. I went and bought the album as soon as I got home. Of course within that year I heard ““Never Mind The Bollocks…” and that would change my musical perspective forever.

Some tidbits from the WIKI , BOOH is in the top five selling albums of all time is the second longest running album in the British charts behind Fleetwood Mac’s “Rumors”. Pretty impressive, and so is the Bottom Line live set. Particulary the piano work of Jim Steinman, the strong backups of Karla DeVito and a juicy encore of the Ike and Tina classic “River Deep , Mountain High”. I downloaded the mp3’s with BT but when I did some searching on the net I found that these tracks are available on Jim Steinman’s personal website. I highly recommmend a thorough perusal of Jim’s informative site. It has lots of great stuff about all aspects of his long career in both music and theater.

Of course I came across some awesome other bits as I entered that near fugue state I sometimes get when I crawl into the web and find myself somewhere unexpected. Evidently “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” is a favorite song at weddings, and that’s a very BAD thing. Also it can be quite embarassing when you are holding out for a heroand all you get is silly stop motion dancing instead.

Rock on Beavis. \m/

Smutty Engrish 101

Retro Hotmud
04/20/06 09:37 pm

This one goes out to the one and only Vagabondage, the Cruel Mistress of E/N (former poster extraordinaire at this very site) who not only loves the Japanese language but smut as well. This video of a Japanese woman teaching us how to say some mildly dirty phrases in english is one of the funniest things I seen swimming in the meme pool for quite a while. Heh, “cockpit”. Need I mention this is NSFW?

Via Boing Boing via Fleshbot via Fazed and they told two friends and they told two friends etc.

Retro Hotmud 4-15-2001

04/15/06 07:36 am

Crouching Tiger, Hello Kitty
hotmud @ 11:50 pm EDT

Or alternately the spoonerific “Stole away the Roan”

It’s all that clean suburban air that’s got deep down in my lungs. It’s making me lightheaded.

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. He’s all out of love and intelligence and courage.

I forgot to mention I saw a really cool movie the other night with Sagesse called “Memento” Their website is good but make sure you’ve got Flash. The movie is about a guy who is trying to find the guy who raped and murdered his wife. His only problem is that he has no short term memory. Anything over about fifteen minutes is lost. He has all of his old memories but is unable to make new ones. This movie is all about structure and might be confusing at first but after you get the concept that you are working your way through the story back to front and inside out then it still makes you think some more. If you don’t have a local “Art” movie house you may miss this one. But I certainly recommend it if you like thrillers or mysteries.

Ron Jeremy kicks your ass, and then he does it again. Ron is the man, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Sesame Street is brought to you by the letter G and the numbers 3 and 7.

These are the jokes folks, we’ll be here all week.

Of course some of those links are broken so just in case that’s not enough to help you through this easter weekend you might consider the existence of god or even something much more zen.

Then again there’s “Fuck the Shit“.


In Rotation

Retro Hotmud

04/03/06 03:26 pm

The Loved OnesKeep Your Heart Philly three piece The Loved Ones play a supremely catchy mix of Lookout style pop punk cut with a healthy dose Eastcoast hardcore (ECFU!) and some obvious shoutouts to Jawbreaker. Check the videos for “Jane” and “100k” for a taste. These guys could be huge but I’m not sure if I really want to see that for purely selfish reasons.